The pursuit of happiness has almost become a 21st Century obsession — yet it seems we’re becoming increasingly unhappy. With so many confusing messages out there about how to achieve happiness, it’s hard to know where contentment really lies. We spoke to Domonique Bertolucci, the author of The Happiness Code: Ten Keys to Being the Best You Can Be about finding true happiness and personal fulfilment.
RESCU: There’s been a big focus on being happy in the past couple of years, what does happiness mean to you?
Domonique Bertolucci: True happiness is about feeling confident, fulfilled and satisfied. When you are genuinely happy, you feel good about who you are and the life you live.
RESCU: Why do you think there is a renewed focus on personal fulfilment?
Domonique Bertolucci: Having the time and energy to focus on your personal fulfilment is something you can only do if your fundamental needs: food, water, shelter, comfort are being met. In Western society the average person has access to more food than they could ever eat, the option to buy a range of bottled waters even though water from the tap is perfectly drinkable and a roof over their head big enough to house a small village in some third world countries.
At the same time, people have seen that the material focus of the last few decades has left them feeling empty rather than providing them with the happiness they had hoped it would.
Consequently, we find ourselves at a time when we have both the freedom and the motivation to focus on our happiness.
RESCU: Can you share some tips on quick and easy ways to pick up a lacklustre day/week/mood?
Domonique Bertolucci: Make a note of your ‘happiness triggers’; things that you can rely on to put you in a good mood or lift you out of a funk. It’s really hard to think something that will cheer you up when you are down, so write your ideas down and keep your list handy so you can call on it when you need it.
RESCU: There is a school of thought that this focus on happiness is a 21st century indulgence for a society addicted to feeling like celebrities. What are your thoughts on this?
Domonique Bertolucci: The search for happiness is definitely a popular topic at the moment. Despite the relative affluence of our lives, people are the unhappiest they’ve ever been. I don’t see ‘celebrity culture’ as being a cause of the problem, but rather a symptom of an age where people have lost sight of their own values; the things that matter most to them, and are consequently looking outside of themselves for the answer. They look at celebrities and think, ‘if my life was like that, I’d be happy’, but despite the abundance of material possessions in their life, celebrities are no different from the rest of us and experience the same challenges in finding happiness and fulfilment as anyone else.
RESCU: In your experience how can we change the way we think to turn on the happy?
Domonique Bertolucci: In order to make being happy a natural part of your life you need to change the way you think from assuming happiness just happens, to realising that it’s something that you have to create… each and every day. In my latest book, 100 Days Happier: daily inspiration for life-long happiness, I share a range of small daily changes you can make, in the way you think and act you will ultimately create a fundamental shift in the way you feel about who you are and the life you are living. It doesn’t matter if you do these in sequence or choose a random page each day. What matters is that you do it, and keep doing it, until being happy becomes second nature to you.
RESCU: Are there things or acts that make people happy?
Domonique Bertolucci: Research shows two of the most common acts or habits that give people a direct increase in their feelings of happiness are gratitude and generosity.
– Gratitude is about recognising and expressing how fortunate you are and how rich your life already is, regardless of whether or not there are still things we want in life.
– Generosity is not just about sharing your wealth, it’s about being generous with your time and energy as well as your spirit; being patient and avoiding judgement.
Domonique also gave us some advice about general approaches to finding happiness.
- Material possessions and happiness.
There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things and I am the last person who ever suggest you need to live a life of austerity in order to be happy. You just need to remember that all the things that money can buy are simply ways of accessorising our life and not allow your possessions (or lack of) to define you.
- Setting and achieving and goals.
Goal setting is a really powerful process to help you to create the life you want. However, what most people don’t consider about setting goals however is that unless you have a crystal ball, and actually know what the future will hold, what you are really doing is setting your intention. Too often I hear people beating themselves up because they haven’t achieved a goal in the timeframe they set. It might be a cliché, but life really is a journey, not a destination and the path you follow towards your goals is often just as important as achieving them.
- The physiology of happiness
I firmly believe a happy mind helps you to create a healthy body and a healthy body supports a happy mind. Making healthful choices is one of the key ways we tell our subconscious that we value ourselves, that we are important and that we deserve a long and healthy life. When you are feeling unhappy these beliefs often get lost or forgotten which is why unhappy people are often unhealthy.
Image: SplashingDesign
