In a world where social media consumes us, everything is on fast forward and we are immersed and bombarded with information left right and centre, it’s fascinating that the moment we are given the opportunity to find peace, connect to stillness and escape the rat race, many of us choose not to.
By Monica Kade on How to Enjoy Being Alone
For many people, when they find themselves alone, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, they start to itch, feel uncomfortable and seek to fill the void and the empty feeling within.
This is where addictions, drinking, binge-eating, depression, Facebook, Twitter, housework, superfluous and unhealthy relationships, amongst other things may start to develop. As soon as we feel the void, we want to escape it. When really, we should plunge right into it.
Within that void is everything. If you stay open and relax, you can and will, drop into the emptiness to experience a deep connection to yourself and the world.
However, for the most part, allowing yourself to drop into this space means you may bump into emotional charges, unresolved feelings, fears and moments of your life that you are still holding on to.
This is uncomfortable for most. It means facing up to what’s been swept under the carpet; it means facing up to your truth.
For a long time I masked this void with an eating disorder. The moment I would feel empty, alone, vulnerable or unloved, I would binge, have a coffee, exercise, throw up or find something that would yank me away from feeling any of the above.
Towards the recovery from the illness, I found that I would use the mask of work and always being busy. I’d always have some sort of work to do, be throwing myself into some new project and keeping my focus away from feeling this void. If there was nothing taking up my time or my mind, hell we’d better find something!
Eventually, I became aware of what I was doing and I started paying attention to my behaviour and my actions and observing in what moments did I distract myself from facing aloneness.
Once I started working with my dear friend and mentor Amir Zoghi, I really truly recognised what I was doing and I started to spend a lot of time with myself. I went through a period where for 11 weeks I took a break from my work. I just stopped everything – coaching, writing, creating, speaking – everything. I had reached a point where I had to face the void. I had to really find my truth. I had to face those fears and the depth of the unknown.
Throughout the period of the 11 weeks, I would sit and be still. I wouldn’t do anything, unless there was a true feeling moving me to do it and not because I had to or because I wanted to avoid the feelings that may have been coming up within me. I focused my attention on my breath. I kept bringing myself into the moment and allowed myself to simply BE.
I’d connect to the nature around me. Sometimes sit on the couch just looking at a candle and nothing else. I wasn’t thinking throughout this time either. I wasn’t trying to work anything out, only doing my best to be present and feel whatever came up.
Over time being alone becomes comfortable. You find contentment within it. You don’t have to call someone or switch on the TV because it’s quiet. In fact, being alone doesn’t hold the same connotation that it used to.
You find that your relationships change and become honest, real and loving. You no longer search for someone else to make you feel better about yourself. You don’t walk over to the pantry and snack away. You don’t mask the void or distract yourself from it. You start looking after yourself – in all senses of the word. You start being content with who you are.
Ultimately, what we are searching for in this life is ourselves. If you really want to find who you are, be with yourself. Sit in silence and complete stillness. Within this place you will find what you’re looking for.
Do not fear the alone. Embrace it. When you embrace it, you will learn to love it. You will feel connected, alive and joyful.
Try This:
Note: You don’t need to get all-serious about this. Don’t make it be a big “thing”. Just look at it as a learning and discovery experience into the world of YOU.
- Sit by yourself, in a quiet place. Light a candle if you wish. Focus your attention onto the candle or if you prefer, close your eyes.
- Breathe calmly and deeply. Don’t try to get anywhere or try to experience a certain something. Have no expectations. Just BE.
- Be the observer and simply notice what comes up.
- You may experience intense emotions. You may feel truly peaceful and full of bliss. You may cry. You may not. You may feel nothing.
Start practicing this for 5 minutes once a week and build on this. You’ll be amazed at how you start to get to know yourself.
Anytime you notice the aloneness or the empty feeling, become aware and get excited! This is a moment that you get to practice!
Feel free to contact me with further questions on this – just shoot me an email mk@monicakade.com
About Monica
Monica Kade is a Transformational Teacher, Intuitive Coach, Speaker and Fun-Lovin’ Writer teaching individuals to be their Truth and not their Story. You can find more at goodness at www.monicakade.com