Lady Friday looks at how to assess whether a new partner is going to be sizzling – or a flop.
image via pinterest
Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could look at a potential partner and immediately know whether they’d knock our socks off?
Alas, we can’t – but there are ways to judge compatibility between the sheets, both in and out of the bedroom.
Now, to be clear, we aren’t talking about compatibility in the general sense. They can be scorching in bed and not have values you like in a relationship, pick their teeth in restaurants, or have eight illegitimate children. We’re sticking purely to the naughtiest kind of compatibility here, and sometimes that can conflict with other things.
Here’s RESCU’s guide to judging compatibility in bed.
Note: often the only foolproof way to truly assess whether there’s sufficient spark is to actually jump in the sack.
Clear physical attraction
Pheromones, chemistry, call it whatever you like – if the air sizzles between you when you’re around one another, that’s a good sign that they think you’re absolutely smoking hot.
We all know the signs of a crush – looking at one another for prolonged periods of time, butterflies in the stomach, an unbearable awareness of their presence across the room.
However, this isn’t a guaranteed sign that the bedroom will be 10/10. There’s a lot more that needs to be in place – and often women can get confused when the chemistry is there but the compatibility isn’t.
Openness talking about intimacy
This is a key one. If the bedroom isn’t a comfortable topic of conversation, even after you’ve known them a while and are in an intimate relationship, you might not be on track to be compatible.
Everybody has different levels of comfort with talking about intimacy. Restraint and reserve aren’t necessarily bad things. However, communication is a huge part of what makes life in the bedroom work.
A little bit of coaxing and awkwardness is fine, but if they really resist talking about intimacy in any way, they may not be open to really discussing what turns them on, and that might make life difficult in the future.
There is the occasional silent person who’ll unleash a beast in the bedroom, but that’s not necessarily a good thing, as you have less control and less ability to predict what they’re going to do.
On the flip side, if they’re inappropriately open from quite early on, that may be a sign of insecurity or of peculiar expectation. Figure out your own boundaries and be prepared to challenge theirs.
Physically affectionate
One of the absolute factors in relationships remaining intimately satisfying over time? How physically affectionate people are with one another.
This is no accident – your wish to hug, touch, kiss or hold your significant other has a large role in how you act towards them in the bedroom.
There’s no harm in a person you’re dating wanting to be respectful or hanging back, but if they really do look as if they’re afraid to touch you, or treating you as if you’re made of fine china, that isn’t going to translate well to the bedroom. You want somebody who can handle you confidently and with attraction.
Respectful of your wishes
This is one of those rare aspects which can be gleaned from conversations which have nothing to do with intimacy.
If a partner doesn’t want to listen to you or plays power games over where you go to dinner, what movie to see, what shoes to wear and so on, chances are pretty high they won’t pay much attention to your needs in the bedroom, either.
Being dominant is one thing, but being deliberately dismissive is not going to pan out – you have your own needs and desires, and they need to be accepted and listened to.
If you get the slightest sense that your priorities aren’t very important, you aren’t going to be compatible.
Complimentary approaches to power and activities in bed
The bedroom is a fantasy space, and we all adopt different roles in them. The key is to find somebody whose role compliments the one from which you get the most pleasure.
This is one of those things that can only really be assessed by discussion. You may find a person who’s exceedingly dominant, for instance, but life in the bedroom may be very different from what goes on outside.
The dominant person you were expecting might turn out to want to be submissive or romantic in bed.
Be very clear about what you respond to, and then search for that specifically. The discussion might seem threatening or odd to both of you, but it’s better out in the open.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
