RESCU’s here to help you out.
Sexual experience is, unfortunately, a big factor in how good in bed you happen to be. There are some lucky souls who simply pick up the rules very fast and act like a pro from day 1, but for most of us, it’s a matter of practise, practise, practise.
So what do you do when your latest partner is deeply unpractised?
1. Be understanding.
We’ve all felt hopeless in bed at some point, and ashamed of our inexperience. Don’t force that on another person.
Remember to be kind – nobody needs to feel like their choices have led them to be some kind of freak.
After all, everybody’s life is different. If they’ve only had one or two partners (or none) by their 30s, who are you to judge?
So don’t make snide remarks, tease them, or act totally incredulous (this might seem like a compliment – ‘but you’re so hot, how can you not have had more sex!’ – but isn’t).
Take the fact as it is, and work from there.
2. Be prepared to take charge.
As the more ‘senior’ partner in the bedroom stakes, you’re going to need to be comfortable giving directions, vocalising your needs and being prepared for a little fumbling.
This can be an uncomfortable role for women who prefer to be more passive in the bedroom, though it might be a chance for you to explore the other side of your sexual nature.
3. Expect mistakes.
Getting to know one another’s bodies takes time, particularly if you’re on the back foot.
Give lots of positive reinforcement, and accept the fact that they will bite the wrong place, lick at the wrong speed, go into an uncomfortable position, or have a crisis of self-confidence if you don’t come.
They’re in a vulnerable position here, trying to please you from an inferior stance, so be sensitive to that.
And take the mistakes in your stride as much as you can – yelling or guilting about unsatisfactory sexual behaviour won’t fix anything.
4. Broach the topic honestly.
If you think they’re less experienced than they seem, you might want to talk about it outside the bedroom.
People can be cagey about how much experience they’ve had in the bedroom for fear of judgement, so make it clear that you’re just wanting all the information.
If you suspect you’re being lied to, or if they confess that they’ve only slept with 1 person rather than 10 like they told you, you might want to reassess the relationship – after all, these are sensitive issues, and it’s not great to be lying about them from the start.
You’re going to have to take the lead on honesty, so set a good example.
5. Determine if you’re ready to be a teacher.
Some women just can’t be bothered leading their partners on a journey of sexual discovery. It does, after all, take time and commitment.
If you’d really, secretly rather have somebody who knows what they’re doing from the get-go, be honest with yourself. We’re not all meant to be leaders for the next generation in bed.
And don’t ignore those feelings – if you start to be resentful of the fact that you have to work at their sex prowess, you’re going to need to leave, and it won’t be pretty.
Nobody’s obligating you to stay and teach them the ABC’s. Always make sure you’re taking care of your own sexual health and needs rather than simply providing a decent education.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday..
