This week Lady Friday delves into the uncomfortable – the common, and easily fixable, problem of experiencing unwanted pain in the bedroom. Are you a sufferer? Read on….
Ever experienced pain in the bedroom – and not the consensual kind?
There’s good news. It’s common, it has many causes, and there’s even a Greek name for it if you’d like to bust it out at parties: dyspareunia.
Too many women are afraid to go to their doctors or gynaecologists with bedroom-related complaints – because they’re ’embarrassing’, ‘private’, or just because the circumstances are difficult to reproduce.
However, pain in bed is not normal or acceptable, and it’s important that you take action immediately to make it better. Here’s RESCU’s guide to what might be troubling you – look for what might apply, then go to your GP or local clinic.
Top Questions To Ask
So: where exactly does it hurt? What kind of pain does it produce? How does it come about?
Asking these questions, rather than just complaining about ‘a pain’, will help you figure out what exactly might be going awry.
Possible Causes
If it’s the clitoris, you may have a very sensitive one; some women report that clitoral stimulation isn’t pleasurable for them at all, instead causing considerable pain. If this has occurred with every bedroom encounter you’ve ever had, it may simply be that – a clitoris which has too many nerve endings and hates to be touched.
If it’s only started happening recently, though, chances are your clitoris is infected. Yes, this can happen, and it’s why hygiene around that area is important.
Infections are a common cause of pain in bed generally, and can often be easily treated with antibiotics, so don’t panic. Yeast infections, or thrush, most commonly show themselves through aches during penetration, usually around the vulva itself.
If your cervix aches during deep penetration, you could have an infected cervix which makes it tender.
Vulvitis is an infection of the vulva of its own accord – and it’s often down to chemicals in soaps or douches. Be careful of feminine hygiene products with scents in them, ladies!
Herpes and chlamydia can also rear their heads via severe pain in the bedroom, so consider getting yourself checked if you have other symptoms. Chlamydia causes the nasty pelvic inflammatory disorder, which makes the entire area inflamed.
Insufficient arousal is a non-medical reason for pain, and it’s far more common than anybody would believe. News flash: penetration isn’t going to be pleasurable unless your vagina is relaxed and lubricated, which is why foreplay is so crucial. Over-hasty penetration, with toys, fingers or otherwise, can lead to aching.
It’s a simple equation – you’re too tight to let anything in – but it can lead to damage and significant pain afterwards, so always, always make sure you’re sufficiently warmed up to allow guests, and if your partner expresses annoyance at the delay, educate them. It’s not worth ‘rushing through’ just to satisfy them, particularly if it’s going to cause you pain.
Vaginal pain can also come from plain old insufficient lubrication. The female body is supposed to produce – with the right stimulation – enough lube of its own to make everything smooth and easy, but alas, this doesn’t necessarily work for some of us. It’s common after menopause, too.
Dryness means intercourse can be a total nightmare for everybody involved, so don’t feel shy about getting artificial help.
You could also be allergic to any of the foreign elements you’ve been putting near your intimate areas – lubricants, toys, contraception, latex, tampons, even sperm itself. This isn’t as rare as you might think, and it’s important to read all ingredients carefully and get yourself tested if you think exposure might be the problem.
Vaginismus is a far less common issue, and a psychological one. Women who suffer it have spasms of the vaginal muscles which make penetration impossible and hurt like hell. It’s spawned by fear and trauma, and it’s only conquered by getting counselling.
Endometriosis, where tissue from the womb grows on other organs, is a pretty common cause of intense sexual pain, but it’s also got significant other symptoms, so don’t go running to your doctor at the first twinge of vaginal pain insisting you have it. After all, sometimes the problem may just be that your partner is too big.
(Yes, male readers, it can happen, it’s painful, and it makes bedroom life very difficult indeed.)
Vulvodynia is the most mysterious of the diseases surrounding pain in the area during sex. It’s a chronic pain syndrome, where even touching the vulva can lead to intense, screaming pain, and is still being investigated by scientists. This is at the very top end of the spectrum and occurs all through life.
If any of these might apply to you, note your symptoms, compare notes with your partner, and see your doctor if necessary. It’s not worth going through life in pain, particularly in the bedroom.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
