Ever felt that you’re living in your own personal Ground Hog Day? Well, you’re not alone. It can be tough and disheartening to keep your spirits up moving forward.
Many a time I’ve had clients ask me ‘Why does this keep happening to me? I’ve changed my job, it’s completely a different situation and the result always seems to end up the same. What am I doing wrong?’
I’m sure you’re familiar with the saying, Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Well, you might put a few of us in that insanity basket.
The simple reason we keep getting the same results even though we may change our environment, is from our internal patterns of behaviours and thoughts. Changing our environment is not enough as the patterns are inbuilt within us and believe it or not, they follow us wherever we go. The environment is just a distraction from our self. Frustration can set in and may turn into resentment, which leads us in a place of disempowerment.
Our patterns will develop from the time we are born, influenced by our family, environment and our integration of life experiences. Some patterns may form in a manner of self-preservation/protection and these will slip into our core beliefs.
Now imagine that you’ve put your courage hat on and changed some situations, you’ve even taken that leap of faith and stepped out of your comfort zone and you STILL get the same results!
So why does it keep happening?
Firstly let me say, well done for making that initial change, as it’s not always easy. When I work with clients, many of them have tweaked their behaviour (habits) having addressed half of the pattern. The second half of the pattern is our thought process and self-talk.
It’s as simple as:
1. The glass half full
2. The glass half empty
3. The glass has water in it
All of the above statements are relevant and one statement isn’t better than the other. It’s more, how is it working for you? If you are where you want to be in life, then your self-talk is supporting you (you may want to strive or achieve more, here is where you can adjust your self-talk).
If you’re always asking the question of why me, then it’s important to notice how your self-talk is derailing your desires. If you want to feel healthy and strong, then there are habits to be put into place e.g. making time for exercise, choosing your meal times AND planning your meals. Then there is the mental attitude that comes into play. Repeating what you want to yourself (at first it’s seems like you are convincing yourself) what you want. ‘I am healthy and strong. I am healthy and strong AND I enjoy it’.
Here are 4 steps changing a pattern:
1. Decide on what you’re wanting and write it down in 1-3 sentences.
2. Look at behaviours (habits) that support and encourage your desires
– Write them up and choose 3 to begin with
3. Observe your self-talk and just notice where it is at
– Is it supporting your desire
– Is it hindering your desire
– Is it neutral
4. Now that you’re aware of your self-talk, make a decision on how you want it to be
– Have a couple of statements that you can say to yourself daily (especially when you catch an unsupportive thought running through your mind on repeat).
That’s it in a nutshell. So instead of reliving an unwanted outcome and getting stuck in your own personal Ground Hog Day, you’re able to break down into two parts how you want to change a pattern, through your behaviour and self-talk.
For me personally, getting disgruntled about a situation is a reminder for setting time aside for some ‘mindful’ observations, on my thoughts and actions. With a few adjustments and follow through, change can happen more easily and quickly. However, without the intention of change, you’re stuck in that old pattern and what some call INSANITY!
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